Cleanliness Is Next To Allah-liness

My early attempts to do laundry here were not crowned with success, and I became progressively more worried as my clothing supply dwindled slowly away. There are a couple of options for doing laundry here in the dorms. First, there’s a laundry service that charges on a per item basis. From what I’ve heard, they do an excellent job, folding and pressing all of your stuff, and they’re very quick. But although the service is not too expensive, it’s a waste of money to use it for things like t-shirts and most whites, which don’t need to look particularly good. I’m also on a bit of a budget. The alternative to the laundry service is the dorm’s washers and dryers, which are scattered sporadically throughout the residence hall. These are old, somewhat unreliable, and always in use. Big surprise.

My laundry adventure began when I went to the local Alfa Market to pick up some detergent. The vast majority of the selection was powdered detergent in large plastic bags. I picked the cheapest one I could find, smelled the bag, and decided it was fine. It didn’t really bother me at the time that the detergent was called “Bio Cleana.”

The next day, I chanced to see that the washer was unoccupied. Having no laundry basket, I grabbed the biggest armful of clothes I could and headed for the washer. After cramming everything in, I reached into my bag of Bio Cleana and grabbed a handful of powder. Forgetting momentarily that I was using a front-loading washer, I started to put the powder in with the clothes. I caught myself and remembered that I instead needed to slide out a compartment at the top and put the detergent in there. I opened the hatch and, to my dismay, found it filled with a gooey concoction of water and soggy detergent.

Shit.

What do I do now? Try to run the machine as is and hope everything comes out fine? No, too risky. These were all my whites, and I couldn’t afford to lose them at this stage. Should I scrape out the mess and start from scratch? No, that could still cause a disaster if the machine was really broken. I had no safe options. Defeated, I tossed my handful of Bio Cleana into the trash and carried my clothes back to my room.

I told Dan my tale of woe. He was skeptical about any detergent called “Bio Cleana,” so I sought to reassure him by reading the ingredients list, which is as follows:

Phosphates 15-30%
Anionic surfactant & oxygen 15-30%
Based bleaching agent
Nonionic surfactant & oxygen < style=""> 5-15%
This detergent contains enzyme & polycarboxylates & brighteners

Upon consideration, I realized it was rather odd that the percentage values of the ingredients were listed in range format. Is this detergent 30% phosphates, or is it only 15%? Does anyone really know? Moreover, adding the maximum listed percentages together only brings the total to 80%, meaning that twenty percent of my white-and-blue-powdered detergent is comprised of some mystery ingredient. Dan’s opinion on the matter: “Sounds like Chernobyl in a bag.”

I pushed my doubts about the detergent out of mind and decided to give the washer another go the next day, as I was in dire need of socks. I found the washer empty, and the detergent slot relatively clean, although still quite watery. With a quick prayer, I crammed my whites into the small washer and fiddled with the controls until I thought it was set to go. The light came on, but nothing seemed to be happening. I reached inside and felt water trickling in at the bottom, so I hoped for the best and went my way. Miraculously, I returned an hour later to find the clothes done and the nearby dryer available. The dryer worked without incident and I managed to do my darks as well. A great sense of accomplishment swept over me when I fell asleep that night with my stock of clean clothing replenished.